Perhaps, It Wasn’t Meant to Be
The same path. The same length. The same trees, albeit taller. The same road with some new paint over the washed out markings. The same person with different feelings from before. He used to walk her down this path home. They would laugh and tease each other.
This time, she was alone. It wasn’t dark yet. The sun had just begun to hide behind the buildings. Upon reaching the sign that had 2 arrows pointing in opposite directions, she stopped. She was thinking about what had happened in just 3 weeks.
There were at the mall admiring the decorations. There were dancers on the stage performing for the Chinese New Year. When they passed by the boutique, Janis wanted to try out the dress. She wanted to know if she would look nice in it and his opinion.
After trying it, she came out of the dressing room to let Jonas see. He didn’t say anything except nod at her, much to her disappointment. She looked at the mirror again and saw how good she looked in it. After changing, she glanced at the price tag, intending to buy it if it fitted her budget. To her horror, it didn’t and she put the dress back on the rack sadly.
The sales lady tried to persuade her to buy and kept bringing Jonas into the picture. He never said a word except smile. After leaving the boutique, Jonas never said a word to her for the rest of the day. Janis was upset. All she wanted was some sort of comment which never came.
They didn’t contact each other for the next 2 days. Jonas was fuming. He was angry that she had the audacity to even entertain the thought of asking him to buy that very expensive dress that she’ll wear only a few times. He was angry that she agreed with the sales lady. He was angry that she didn’t understand his situation despite him telling her that he had some financial problems at home. How dare she want me to buy that dress! He smashed the potato angrily.
Janis was crying. She didn’t do anything except that his opinion was very important to her. He had never complimented her for anything, except once. She just wanted his opinion and look for a similar style at a cheaper rate. While the sales lady was very persuasive, Janis knew he had some financial problems at home and she was only going along with the sales lady. Why did his face turn black? Didn’t he understand her?
She recalled a few other incidents that were similar. Apparently, he was sensitive when it came to finance. He seemed to have plans but he never revealed to her. She thought he was handling them well but the recent incident gave her the impression that he wasn’t.
After being together for 2 years, she felt that there was still something missing. She tried to maintain the relationship by doing regular communication. She noted down tips in keeping healthy relationships, maintaining relationships and reading books about relationships.
However, it still didn’t work out. The assurance that she was included in his life never came. He spoke about his problems but didn’t seem to need her solution that she never gave since he didn’t ask. He didn’t seem to let her know his feelings until she let him know.
All this time, she was doing the example while he bottled up his feelings until he exploded. She tried to be less self-centred. However, he didn’t seem to let her know he noticed. She didn’t know what he wanted. He never made it clear.
She wondered if she even mattered to him at all. Just then, the loud screeching car tires caught her attention. She never made it out of its path.
—-
He arrived at the hospital, panting. Her parents were there, her mother sobbing uncontrollably. Her brother came to him and shook his head sadly. He passed him a letter that was stained with blood. Janis’ blood. With shaking hands, he opened it.
Dear Jonas,
I’m not sure what happened between us. Perhaps it was my fault for not being more careful with my words. Perhaps, it wasn’t meant to be. Perhaps, we should have talked more about our feelings. Perhaps, we should have thought more instead of shouting at each other.
I was very hurt when you didn’t give me your opinion at that dress. I was upset when you gave me that dark look and ignored me for the rest of the day. Did you remember why we went out that day? It was my birthday.
I wasn’t mad that I didn’t get anything as I thought you were preoccupied with your family issues. I just wanted your companionship. However, you were so preoccupied with your own issues that you didn’t even wish me “happy birthday”.
Perhaps, I should have reminded you but I didn’t want to burden you with more troubles. I just needed to know if I ever meant anything to you. That day, at the shop, your very actions let me know that I wasn’t important. I wasn’t even in your heart.
All these years, while I had happy times spent with you, there were many times, you have accused me of being unreasonable, over-bearing or demanding. Have you ever put yourself in my shoes? You told me sweet words but your actions belay otherwise. I don’t know what to trust.
Perhaps, it was a good time to break. Perhaps, we just weren’t meant to be.
Sadly,
Janis
Jonas never forgave himself. The driver was sentenced to 6 years of jail and 6 strokes of cane. He was also banned from driving for the rest of his life for drunk driving.
