Hearing the Christmas carols, he switched off the radio in his car. They reminded him of last Christmas spent with her. They were exchanging gifts for the first time. When he saw her eyes light up when she opened to reveal a matching pair of earrings and necklace with the stars that she had always wanted, he wanted to hold her in his arms and never let go.
He went into the white building that had become his second home 3 weeks ago after parking his car.
Opening the door slowly, he saw that she was sleeping soundly. Not wanting to disturb her, he sat in the chair just looking at her. She looked so angelic in the dim light that he couldn’t help but ached because he didn’t want to lose her. They hadn’t spent a lot of time together and he had made the time when she fell ill again. He brought her for a check-up when her fever wouldn’t subside and was devastated when she was diagnosed with dengue fever. It would be hard for her to recover and she might die from the fever or the medicine that was used to help her as it was in the last stages. She had accepted to go through the treatment while gripping his hand tightly.
She stirred slightly, opening her eyes. He smiled at her bravely, “Merry Christmas, dear.” She smiled weakly at him and closed her eyes. She opened her eyes again; his heart ached as she was struggling. “Fairy tales lie.” She whispered sadly, “There’s no such thing as living happily ever after.” He squeezed her hand tightly.
“Dear, please don’t think of it that way. I’m willing to be your guardian angel. I will always be.” Coran was desperate to keep her spirits up. Rika smiled wanly.
She was shivering again. She had been running a high fever for 5 days now. He felt terrible and helpless seeing her like that. Covering her up gently, he left and closed the door quietly.
“She’s still unconscious, isn’t she?” Seeing her mother outside the room, he didn’t know what else to say but nod. They weren’t on good terms when Rika married him. Her parents had violently objected to the marriage and her father went as far as changing the locks to prevent her from seeing him again. However, she managed to get her brother to help her out. It was the last time she saw her family.
“I’m sorry,” her mother said softly. “She was never strong, always falling sick, with fever and flu.” He heard her cry softly. Walking up to her, he put an arm around her. “Her father’s in hospital too. He has lung cancer and the doctor said it’s in the last stages,” she sobbed. Shocked, he didn’t know what to say. Cancer? Their marriage had only been 5 months and her father had cancer? Things were happening too fast now. With Rika in bed with fever, how was she to see her father before he breathed his last? He had to think of a way.
His stomach rumbled. “I’ll get something to eat, do you want anything?” he asked. She shook her head. Walking down to the cafeteria, Coran was still trying to cope with the fact the both father and daughter were in hospital.
After paying for the noodles, he sat down staring at the chopsticks in his right hand. Rika had taught him how to use them, showing him how to hold them the right way that he was holding now.
They had started going out for about 2 weeks then and he had ordered a bowl of noodles. “Coran, you don’t hold chopsticks like that,” and proceeded to show him how. He struggled for a month before he could proudly show off that he was holding them the way she had taught him to. She was so happy that she kissed him on the lips, instead of his cheeks like she used to. That was their first kiss.
The second time was when they were at the bookshop. They were flipping a magazine commenting on the models and her head was so close that Coran couldn’t resist kissing her. After that, there was no stopping them; they kissed whenever they felt that no one was looking or around.
“Dear, do you think we should let our parents know?” Rika asked him one afternoon during lunch.
“Are you sure? I don’t know what your parents might think,” Coran was worried. Her father, he had heard, had high standards for his daughter’s suitors. She had broken up with two others whom her father had rejected because he felt they couldn’t provide her with better environment. The first one was poor, he came from a broken family and got drunk at times and had beaten Rika up a few times. Her father was furious when he found out and called the police. The second was a playboy and had other girls at the same time they were together. Her father got wind of it and refused to let him see her ever again.
“Don’t worry dear, I’m sure he can’t find fault with you,” smiling, Rika took his hands and looked at his eyes. With twinkling eyes looking at him, he had to give in. She was wrong.
“Get out!” were the 1st words he heard when her father saw him.
“Dad, he just got here!” Rika cried.
Looking at his daughter with disdain, he pushed her away. Unable to gain her balance, she hit her head on the wall. Before Coran could rush to her side, he was faced with a furious father who looked like he would kill anyone who would touch his daughter. Not wanting to make matters worse, Coran left the house.
Worried about her head, he called her office the next day, she sounded muffled. “I’m ok now, darling. Don’t worry about me, I’m sorry that my father behaved that way last night.”
“It’s alright. I guess we’ll try again when he’s in a better mood.” They arranged to meet his mother.
They met up with his mother the next week. She was beaming all the time. “My dear girl, you are way too thin! Here have some more!” Dinner that night was wonderful.
“Coran?” he heard a voice, looking up he saw Kyle, his best friend, whom he hadn’t seen for 2 years. They lost touch after Kyle went backpacking. Kyle hugged Coran tightly. “My God, Coran, you look like a panda! What happened?”
Upon hearing that Rika was in hospital, Kyle wanted to look at her. “Take me to her! I want to see her, by God, so many things happened while I was away!” By then Coran had finished his dinner.
When they reached Rika’s ward, the nurses were running around. Worried, Coran wanted to see Rika but he was stopped by her doctor. “We’re trying to save her, please sit down.” Kyle pulled Coran away before he could do anything else. Looking at the doctor and nurses, Coran couldn’t help feeling helpless and frustrated. They had gone through so much just to get married and he was not going to lose Rika just like that. “Coran, let’s pray for her and her father.” Deciding that it was a good way to pass the time, they prayed for the next 2 hours.
Finally, coming out of the room, the doctor said, “I’m sorry, I’ve done my best. You better look at her now. She doesn’t have much time left.” When they went in, her mother was sobbing and holding onto one of Rika’s hand so tight as if she was trying to transfer her life to her daughter. Coran took her other hand.
“I’m sorry, dear. I… can’t spend any more time with you.” Coran felt tears in his eyes, but he didn’t want her to feel bad and maintained his composure. “I love you.” He heard a sigh from her lips and then silence.
The funeral was done quietly with her few close friends. “Coran, I’m so sorry. I… I just wished…” Kyle started.
“I don’t want to talk about it.” Coran walked away. Rain started to pour after the service. Even the heaven is crying for her, he thought bitterly. He had been blaming himself. Why did he leave her for dinner? He could have stayed longer so that he could comfort her in her last moments. Why didn’t he just sit with her? He berated himself. He had promised her once that he’d be her guardian angel. Some guardian angel I am.
Kyle was upset to see his best friend blaming himself and drowning his sorrows. Coran had started drinking the day Rika died. He felt terrible but he didn’t know what to do to help his friend. “Coran, drinking won’t bring her back.”
“I don’t want her to die! Why didn’t I stay with her? Why did I have to eat? Why did I have to leave? I wasn’t there when she had trouble! WHY? WHY? WHY?” By this time Coran was banging his fist on the wall hard with each why.
“Coran! Get a hold on yourself! Rika won’t wanna see you like that!” It was difficult to hold Coran and it took Kyle a good 15 minutes just to make him calm down.
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Kyle seemed to feel his pain. He had seen his mother lose his father in the battle against kidney failure. She was by his side most of the time and they had spent a lot of money in the process of the dialysis.
His father had called him to his bedside the day before he passed away. “Kyle, you must look after your mother for me. She will break down if I’m gone. Promise me that you’ll look after her.” Kyle took his father’s hands in his and nodded. His mother lost her mind when he died. She was sent to a home when Kyle couldn’t take time off from work. He visited her whenever he could and the last time he saw her was before he went backpacking. She did not acknowledge him and he was used to it. He had brought her an apple, her favourite, his father used to buy it for her. She had taken it and was holding it like a child, cooing to it like she would to his father when he was alive. He left after telling her that he was going backpacking.
When he returned, she had died of an over-dosage of sleeping pills. The nurses couldn’t understand how she had managed to get them. Thanking them, he paid them for their services and left the home.
“Her father, I’ve got to tell him.” Coran was mumbling.
“He’s in hospital now, isn’t he? I thought you said he didn’t like you?”
“He doesn’t but I’ve got to tell him the truth about his daughter. I’m sure he still loves her, after all, they’re family.” Coran was serious about it and Kyle could see it in his eyes.
“Let me come with you. I’ll wait outside.”
“Thanks, Kyle. But I want to go alone.”
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A soft knock was heard. “Come in.” he heard a weak voice. He opened the door tentatively.
“YOU!” Before he could continue, he started coughing. “Here, drink this.” His wife had come in and handed a glass of water to her husband. She seemed to implore him not to tell her husband the truth yet. He was confused and torn, what if he asked about Rika?
“What do you want? You’ve taken my daughter away and now you are here to laugh at me, right?”
“No, I came to seek you forgiveness. I didn’t expect Rika to run away till her brother told me.” Coran said quietly. He felt a strong emotion each time he mentioned her name. Taking a deep breath he continued, “She’s a good wife and she mentioned about you a lot. How you taught her how to use the chopsticks and how you told her never to trust just any man who sweet-talked. She loved you a lot and respected you even though you disapproved of me. She wouldn’t allow me to speak ill of you.”
“Where is she?” Her father whispered. Coran nearly missed the question. He looked at her mother, she was mouthed a “No”. Torn he wanted to tell him the truth but he could see that he loved Rika too much to hear of her death.
“She’s… She’s shopping.” Remembering that Rika loved to shop.
“Doesn’t she want to see me?” Her father sounded hoarse. He couldn’t believe that Rika would avoid him at a time like this. His daughter would want to see him.
Coran didn’t know what to say. “She’s afraid. You yelled at her the last time, don’t you remember? You have a terrible temper.” His mother-in-law came to the rescue.
“But I want to see her. I…” Another fit of coughing prevented him from saying more. “Doctor! Please help my husband!” Coran nodded knowingly at her and left the room. The doctor rushed into the room. Going to the hospital to visit Rika’s father was a torture as it reminded him of her and her pain in the hospital. She would never cry even though she was in pain most of the time.
“Let me go, you oaf!” Rika was trying to fight off her assailant. He held her arm tighter. Why can’t he leave me alone, thought Rika. She had met him online and he had proclaim his love for her though they hadn’t met. Wanting to clarify the air with him, she had agreed to meet him personally but he wouldn’t believe that she would reject him on the first date. Rika wished she hadn’t arranged to meet him in the first place. She had managed to escape spending more time with him the first time, saying that she had other urgent matters.
However, since he had her pager number, he kept paging her every 10 minutes for 5 days in a row. She had to cancel her subscription. How he managed to track her to her home, she never found out till he said that he had followed her home everyday from her workplace. Desperate, Rika had to quit her job. “Rika, why? You’re needed here! Don’t go,” pleaded her boss.
“I’m so sorry, it’s personal, I can’t work here. I really enjoyed my time here. Thank you for hiring me.” Rika left her workplace with a heavy heart.
Now he had followed her to the park while she was waiting for Coran to show up. Coran, please be here now, she prayed. At that moment, Coran showed up, answering her prayers. He didn’t look too happy about the stranger who was holding Rika’s arm tightly. Storming towards them, Coran saw red. Twisting his arm away from Rika’s arm, Coran nearly broke the guy’s arm. Kicking him in the stomach, Coran wrestled him face down on the ground twisting his arm behind and said quietly, “Repeat after me. You will not touch her in anyway ever again.” When he didn’t, Coran twisted his arm higher towards his head. “Ok! I will not touch her again!” He spat the words as if they were acid that would burn the ground he was pinned to. Coran released the grip and he limped away. He was never seen again.
“Coran, oh Coran.” Rika was weak in the knees, she had been so frightened that she nearly fell, luckily, Coran was hugging her tightly. “I can’t breathe, dear.” Not wishing to release her just yet, Coran loosened the hug. They went to his house that day and she never returned home that night.
Two weeks later, she was pregnant. “What am I to do? I can’t,” Rika was nearly in hysterics.
“We’ll get married,” that was all he said.
“Are you sure? I mean my parents and all,” Rika was hesitant. Knowing her father’s temper, he wouldn’t hear of her marriage to Coran in any way.
“The baby won’t have a father the…” Coran left it there. He didn’t want to force her too. He felt bad, forcing her into such a situation. What’s done is done, that was what his mother had always said to him. She had taught him to take responsibility for every thing that he did too. He was trying but he felt guilty for making his love pregnant. They had trouble convincing her father to accept him and this was not a solution for him to be accepted. Still something had to be done.
The marriage took place 2 weeks after she had managed to leave the house with the help of her brother. When he heard about it from her brother, who had drove her to meet him, he wanted to kill her father but he thought the better of it. He wanted to call off the ceremony but at the thought of the baby’s future, he continued the ceremony. Only a few close friends and his mother were there to witness the marriage.
“Rika, what are you doing? Don’t carry that box, it’s heavy,” her mother-in-law tried to take the box of plates from Rika.
“Mother, I can handle it,” Rika replied. Not wanting her to take the box, Rika wouldn’t let go. However, she hit her stomach when she tried to snatch the box away from her mother-in-law. Pain shot up through her body and she dropped the box. A loud smash was heard and most of the plates broke by the time they had opened the box after the trip to the hospital. She couldn’t breathe for about a minute as the pain was too acute. Grasping for breath, she had squatted down clutching her stomach tightly. Worried, her mother-in-law brought Rika to the hospital.
She lost the baby. When Coran saw her, his heart broke. She was lying quietly on her left side clutching the pillow in her arms as if she was trying to gain some comfort from it. He went to her and put his hand on her arm. She turned around with wet eyes looking at him. She wouldn’t cry. Rising up to hug him, she was struggling hard not to cry. Biting her lower lip, she didn’t want to think about her lost baby.
He had loved her will, she had always been strong. After the miscarriage, she had somehow lost that will, as she would look out of the window staring at nothing in particular. Whenever she turned around to discover him standing behind her, observing, he would see a tear from her cheek. He wanted to take away her pain and ache for their lost child.
The phone was ringing; his mother had gone out to buy groceries. “Hello,” he answered tiredly.
“Coran, it’s me, can we meet?” it was his mother-in-law. He agreed.
Sitting down at the table, Coran noticed that she was fiddling with her fingers. “He won’t live long, the doctor said he has maybe… a few days left,” she stopped to take a sip from her strong brewed coffee.
“He’s been asking for Rika hasn’t he?”
“Yes, I… I… I don’t know how long I can do it. You’ve been visiting each day and I hate to see him lying in bed not knowing his only daughter is six feet under. He won’t forgive himself,” taking a napkin to wipe a tear.
“I was thinking of telling him the truth. How long can I keep up with the lies? I can’t think of a different excuse every time. I’m tired,” he added softly.
“I don’t want him to die with regrets, not seeing his daughter and yet I don’t want him die knowing that she has gone before him.”
“There’s something that I’ve always wanted to know. Why does he hate me so much?”
“Oh Coran, he doesn’t hate you. He just wants the best for his favourite child.” She smiled wanly. “He just wants someone who’s able to take care of her. It’s how he shows his love for her. That’s why he’s so cold to you. Actually, he let her marry you that day.” She paused. “He was watching the both of you quietly, when he saw how happy she was, he was relieved. Every father wants his daughter to have a good marriage. He was never a verbal man.”
“But, she didn’t know,” Coran shook his head.
Not knowing what else to say, she sat back in the chair, contemplating how they could solve the current dilemma. Just then, her cell phone rang. “Hello… yes, I am… What? He… Oh my God, thank you,” swallowing a lump in her throat, she announced that her husband had passed away. “We don’t have to tell him now.”
“I’ll take you to the hospital,” he helped her up.
At the morgue, he couldn’t bear to see the lifeless body that had once been his father-in-law. Seeing him reminded him of his late wife.
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“Coran! Hey buddy, thanks for coming here,” Kyle slapped him on the back.
“No problem, you’re getting married and I’m here to attend my best friend’s wedding. Where’s the bride?” Coran was curious to know who the lucky girl was.
“She’s with her make-up artist for a final touch up. I can’t wait to see her,” Kyle was excited. Coran smiled. He too had mixed feelings the day he had married Rika. He didn’t want to make things difficult for her and yet he wanted to be with her badly. Now that she’s gone, he had thought things over. He was brooding most of the time and Kyle had really helped by spending time with him.
Just then, the bride entered. He looked at her and smiled. Kyle is one lucky guy, he thought, she is beautiful. Rika had looked great too, he remembered. Somehow it didn’t make his heart ache so much when he thought of her. Time did heal wounds, though he’d love to have her around.
“Coran, meet my wife, Aylia. Aylia, meet my best bud, Coran,” Kyle was beaming all over. They shook hands.
“You look great, Aylia.”
“Thank you. Kyle told me a lot about you. He couldn’t stop talking about you,” she laughed.
“Well, he couldn’t stop talking about you. He was yakking most of the time about Aylia this, Aylia that. He was practically talking my ears off! Ow!” Coran joked. He rubbed his arm where Kyle had punched him.
“I’m the groom here, no bad-mouthing me,” Kyle growled. They laughed.
“Aylia, is the make-up alright?” It was Aylia’s make-up artist.
“Oh, Lyla. Yes, thanks for the touch up,” Aylia smiled. Coran was staring at Lyla, she looked a little like Rika, especially her eyes and mouth.
“Oh, I almost forgot to introduce, this is my best friend, Coran. Coran, Lyla. Aylia’s make-up artist,” Kyle offered the introductions. “Erm, Coran? You there?”
Coran shook himself out of his reverie. He was thinking that maybe getting to know more friends wouldn’t hurt, besides, Rika had always wanted him to know more people. Rika, he thought, this is for you, he shook hands with Lyla, smiling. Besides, it’s nearly Christmas again.
The End
